kristin has been a bad kristin
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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