I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
