I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
