You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
