I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
