i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
