You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
