I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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