Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize