You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
