I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
