I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
