i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
