Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
