Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
