the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
