Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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