I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
