how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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