Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
