She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
