So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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