I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize