rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
