This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
