"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
