thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
