booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
