Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
