dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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