Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
