No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
