Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
