Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
