I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
