I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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