You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
