but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i think my cat just said my name.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
