my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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