Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
