I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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