Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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