No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
