Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
