omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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