i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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