Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
