no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
