i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize