so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
