I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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