My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
