I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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