i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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