some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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