Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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