Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We have started to decorate penises.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
