Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
