I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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