you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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