I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
