Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All I want is dick and wine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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