i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize