You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
