You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
