The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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