My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
