he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
