in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
