I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize