I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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