He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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