i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
