I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
